


The Man in Bittle's Bedroom

by jamesgatz1925



Series: FRIENDS [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Established Relationship, General sneaking around, Humor, M/M, There's a short amount of sex, shitty being the bro that he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 15:43:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6430498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesgatz1925/pseuds/jamesgatz1925
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You know that Friends episode where Chandler comes home from Tulsa without telling Joey because he and Monica want to be alone? Yeah, it's like that. (You don't have to have a background of that episode to read this.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Man in Bittle's Bedroom

Bitty met him at the public parking lot four miles away from the Haus. They got one of the tadpoles to pay the meter every four hours. Jack will be hidden for a twenty hours, if they want a late lie-in on Monday morning, and after that he could park his car at the Haus. Because by then the guys would know he's actually, _y'know_ , at the Haus. 

 

They started doing this at the start of semester. Sometimes Jack would only have a few hours to go see Bitty, but once the guys found out he'd be in town (even just for a short time) it would turn into not being alone with Bitty, but instead an impromptu Haus party, or a Mario Kart tournament, or a skate around Faber that Jack could never say no to. God forbid they try to go out somewhere, because then it turned into a fan frenzy or ‘ _Hey man, we had a class together three semesters ago!_ ’ and they'd have even less privacy.  Bitty knows Jack has to see the guys while he's in town, but sometimes Bitty wants to be the only thing holding Jack’s attention.

 

They walk unnoticed through the campus, Jack with his hat down real low and his coat collar up as high as it could go. If his life were on any different path, Jack could probably slip by unnoticed anywhere. Sure he's a giant handsome guy, but he wouldn't be strikingly noticeable if his face weren't plastered all over magazines and ESPN. And he's quiet, that's a plus. He doesn't draw attention to himself. So really, if he weren't Jack Zimmermann, their journey would be less nerve-racking.

 

Finally they make it to the Haus and luckily nobody is out on the front porch. Bitty instructs Jack to wait a second for him to make sure the coast is clear.

 

Bitty peeks his head into the sitting room where their backs are to the entryway. Bitty frantically waves Jack through; the big man hops quickly but skillfully quiet up the stairs with his duffel bag and Bitty closes the front door and checks in with the guys. 

 

"Hey fellas," Bitty announces.

 

He receives barely audible grunts of acknowledgement. 

 

"Alright, well, I'll be upstairs doing my midterm." 

 

“Isn’t that due tomorrow?” Holtz asks from the couch.

 

“Monday at _midnight_ , don’t judge me.”

 

With that, Bitty runs away from the sitting room and excitedly climbs the stairs two at a time. At least the midterm wasn't a lie, it really is due Monday at midnight. Since Jack is in until Tuesday morning, they're spending Sunday evening into Monday morning alone in secret, then Jack will "arrive" Monday and hang out with the guys while Bitty finishes his paper. The plan is flawless.

 

Bitty darts into the room and locks the door behind him. Jack is sitting on the edge of the small bed, fiddling with Bitty's ratty old stuffed bunny. As soon as Jack hears the door click locked though, he sets the bunny down and looks at Bitty hungrily. 

 

Bitty takes the four strides to the bed quickly, then dumps himself onto Jack's lap. Their lips meet eagerly, having not had a chance to even kiss yet, and their hands find each other everywhere. They're fast and excited and Bitty doesn't even care if this round ends fast because they'll be alone for the next _twenty_ _hours_. Apart from when Bitty makes dinner in two hours and breakfast tomorrow morning, they ideally won't have to leave the bed at all. 

 

Their clothes are shed and soon they're tangled in the bed, and suddenly the small size of the bed is perfect because they don't want to be further than lip length apart for even a second, not even when Jack rasps, "Lube?" and Bitty has to turn over to get into the bedside table.

 

It's sloppy but hot; Jack climbs between Bitty's spread legs and hitches their hips together before squirting lube onto his big hand. He slicks Bitty’s cock first, then slides his into his fist against Bitty’s, making Bitty's hips arch off the bed. Bitty’s hands dig into Jack's black hair as he invades Jack's mouth with his tongue. 

 

"God Bitty," Jack whispers not long into their frantic humping. "I'm going to...already...I'm sorry--"

 

Bitty bites Jack lip, not hard enough to break skin but hard enough for Jack to shutter hard against him, moaning as Bitty's cock is covered in Jack's cum. It's all it takes for Bitty to finish, pulsing in Jack's hand. 

 

* * *

 

Bitty can't usually hear what's going on downstairs; that is unless Shitty arrives. Since he's at school in Boston and Samwell is what Jack would consider "a light jogging distance" away, Shitty occasionally stops by (and won't admit it's because he misses Lardo the most). So usually when Shitty stops by, Bitty can hear a chant of " _Shitty!_ "'s from up in his room, but after their quick go around, he's too blissed out to listen for anything going on downstairs. It's not until Shitty is banging on the door that Bitty even hears him.

 

"Fuck!” Jack cries, scrambling to let Bitty up. 

 

"Calm down," Bitty whispers, yanking his underwear back up and wiping semen from his chest with Jack's discarded t-shirt. "It's just Shitty."

 

"But he really can't know I'm here," Jack says back, wiping himself down. “I told him I couldn’t come up until tomorrow.”

 

Bitty waves him off. “Shitty understands a man’s need to get laid, he can keep our secret from Holtz and Rans.”

 

"Bitty! Why's your door locked?" Shitty calls through the door. "Why's it taking you so long to answer?" 

 

"Uh, hang on. I'm just on a roll with this paragraph. Gimme a sec."

 

Bitty yanks his own shirt on and goes for the door, Jack in plain sight in the room. 

 

"No, no, no wait!" Jack cries. "He wanted me to go to the Pats game with him tonight, that’s when I said I couldn’t come until tomorrow."

 

"Why couldn't you just tell him, I don't know, that you wanted to spend time with me? Like I said, he’d probably understand." 

 

"Well I didn't expect him to just show up here."

 

"Really? Of all people you'd expect to see at the Haus, Shitty didn't come to mind? I see him more than I see Chowder."

 

From the other side of the door, Shitty asks, "Is someone in there with you?"

 

Bitty opens his mouth to reply, but Jack raises his eyebrows pleadingly. 

 

Bitty rolls his eyes and moves to the door, still in his underwear and shirt, still with sex hair. Jack darts behind the door. 

 

"What's up, bro?" Bitty asks as he opens the door.

 

Shitty immediately looks suspicious, eyes darting from Bitty's bare legs to his disheveled hair, then once around the room. "What are you doing?"

 

"I'm...doing my paper."

 

"Half nude with sex hair?"

 

Bitty tries to smooth his hair down. "You've walked around here in a lot less."

 

Shitty just shakes his head. "Whatever man. I'm sure you're just getting ready for Jack's big visit." Shitty makes a crude gesture with his hand.

 

Bitty blushes. "Uh...sure."

 

"Well, I'll let you get back to your paper."

 

"Thanks," Bitty says, motioning to shut the door.

 

Shitty's eyes take another sweep of the room. "You sure nobody's in here?"

 

"I think I'd know if someone else was in my room, Shits." 

 

Shitty just eyes Bitty, then walks down the hall towards Lardo's room. 

 

“Hey,” Bitty calls after him. From behind the door, Jack practically growls. “Shitty, if you knock on my door and I don’t answer, it’s because I’m listening to music through my headphones, alright?”

 

“Alright, dude,” Shitty says, then Bitty closes the door and locks it again.

 

"Whew," Jack sighs, following Bitty back to the bed, where he flops down to sit on the side. "That was close."

 

"You're such a coward, Jack Laurent Zimmermann. And now he thinks I've got someone in here!"

 

"I'd rather him think you are cheating on me than think I am cheating on him!"

 

Bitty has nothing to say to that. He just stares at Jack. 

 

Jack shakes his head. "What I mean is--"

 

Bitty just motions to sit at his desk, but before he can get there Jack grabs Bitty and pulls the smaller man to his lap. Bitty sits awkwardly but comfortably, his back pressed up against Jack's chest. 

 

"Where were we?" Jack whispers in his ear, inching Bitty's shirt up his stomach to stroke the soft hairs on his belly. 

 

Bitty smiles, turning his head to catch Jack's lips with his own.

 

Their lips barely touch before Jack's phone rings loudly through the room. Luckily, he's got it set to a generic iPhone tone, because when Bitty scrambles to pick it up off the floor and they see that it's Shitty calling, they're both sure Shitty is down the hall going, " _Huh, weird that Bitty's phone rang at the exact same moment..._ "

 

Jack gathers his thoughts and presses the green circle accepting the call. "What's up, bro?"

 

"Dude, get here NOW."

 

Jack pretends to be confused. "Uh, where is 'here'?"

 

"The Haus, bro! I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I think Bitty's hiding someone in his room!”

 

Jack pulls the phone away from his ear so Bitty can hear, too. “Uh…” Jack says, “What makes you think that?”

 

“First of all, his door was locked. We all know doors don’t get locked unless someone’s getting laid.”

 

“Well, he—“

 

“Second, it took him forever to answer the door. Third, he was practically naked when he did answer the door. By the way bro, those leg workouts you’ve been recommending for him are really paying off, because his thighs—“

 

“Shitty, you do not want to finish that thought.” Jack touches Bitty’s thigh protectively.

 

“Anyway,” Shitty continues. “Bitty totally had sex hair.”

 

Jack snorts. “What? That’s…ridiculous. What does that even mean?”

 

“You know. Like all…his cowlick is worse than normal.”

 

Through the phone, Bitty and Jack can hear Shitty open a door. Through Bitty’s door, they can hear him walking down the hall.

 

“What are you doing?” Jack asks.

 

“I’m going to stand outside Bitty’s door to try to hear another voice.”

 

Jack’s eyes grow wide, his voice drops lower. “I don’t feel comfortable with you spying on Bitty like that.”

 

“Don’t worry, he can’t hear me…” Shitty trails off and says scandalously, “Maybe he can’t hear me because they’re—“

 

“Do not finish that thought, Shitty!” Jack cries.

 

“Dude, I just heard another voice that wasn’t Bitty’s!”

 

Bitty nervously raises his eyebrows at Jack.

 

Shitty knocks lightly on the door, making Jack and Bitty both jump. Jack presses a finger to his lips, telling Bitty to stay quiet.

 

“Bittle?” Shitty asks through the door.

 

Bitty still says nothing, pretending he can’t hear Shitty.

 

“See? He can’t hear me. Who knows what’s going on in there! Seriously, get home. I’m gonna get a kit to pick the lock, I’m sure Rans’ got one around here somewhere—“

 

“No, don’t do that!” Jack cries again.

 

“I heard him again!”

 

Bitty throws his hands in the air.

 

Jack mouths, ‘ _Sorry!_ ’

 

“Look just…” Jack says, “Just leave Bitty alone. I’ll be there in an hour. If something is happening, I’d rather see for myself.”

 

“Alright dude. I’m going to sit out here in the hall until you get here.”

 

Jack rubs his face, annoyed. “You really don’t have to do that.”

 

“It’s only an hour. I’ll go grab a snack real quick.”

 

Jack sighs. “Alright, just, leave Bittle alone for now.”

 

“You got it.”

 

Shitty hangs up and they can hear him trot down the stairs, presumably for his snack. Jack falls back onto the bed. Bitty shifts to get off his lap and instead sit next to him.

 

“Well.” Bitty mutters.

 

“So much for twenty hours of alone time.”

 

“I can’t believe you’d rather let Shitty believe I’m cheating on you than just walk out of here and tell him you came to the Haus to fuck your boyfriend in peace.”

 

Jack just frowns.

 

Bitty gets off of his bed and moves to sit on the desk.

 

“We have an hour,” Jack tries. “We could…” He shifts to rest his head on Bitty’s pillows, his body cramped horizontally on the bed now. He pats the bed next to him.

 

“Not uh, mister.” Bitty plugs his ears with his earbuds and begins humming along to the first song that pops up on shuffle.

 

Jack just rolls his eyes.

 

* * *

 

Thirty silent minutes after the call, Bitty watches Jack shimmy down the drain pipe next to his window. He isn’t very quiet but it’s not the strangest sound to be heard through the Haus, so Bitty is sure nobody even notices it.

 

 Jack runs back to the parking lot, finds his rental then arrives back at the Haus an hour after he spoke with Shitty.

 

From upstairs, Bitty can hear him barge through the door and a string of “ _Jack!_ ”’s is heard through the Haus. Bitty prepares himself for this discussion, prepares to be shocked at Shitty’s accusations and that Jack is there. He prepares to pretend that he hasn’t seen Jack for weeks.

 

In minutes, he hears Jack and Shitty’s heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

 

There’s a bang on the door and Shitty calls his name. Bitty takes a deep breath, then gets up to answer the door.

 

“Shitty, I told you I’m—“ Bitty gasps when he sees Jack. “Jack!”

 

“Bittle,” Jack mutters.

 

Bitty pretends to look confused. “What’s going on?”

 

“Shitty called me and said he suspects you…you’re…that you have—“

 

“That I have what, Jack?”

 

Shitty speaks up. “Tell us whether or not you’ve got another guy in there!”

 

Bitty’s jaw drops. “Shitty! I told you I didn’t! And now you made Jack drive all the way up here…” Bitty sighs. “Just come in and check for yourself.”

 

Shitty and Jack both enter the room and peek around. Jack halfheartedly looks around, mostly just avoiding Bitty’s gaze because this is so ridiculous, while Shitty checks in the closet and under the bed. When he notices the window is open, Shitty darts to the window to look down, but when he finds nobody there he comes back into the room.

 

Bitty and Shitty glare at each other while Jack pretends to look around.

 

“If there was nobody else here, why do I smell another man’s cologne?” Shitty asks.

 

Bitty sniffs himself, then Jack, then leans over and sniffs the air around Shitty. “I think that’s you, man.”

 

Shitty lifts his shirt and smells himself. “Oh. Then…what was the voice I heard earlier?!”

 

“I don’t know! Maybe I was watching a YouTube video, or you were hearing an echo of your own call?”

 

Shitty just grunts, clearly not believing Bitty.

 

“Where would I be hiding a guy?!” Bitty questions. “You’ve checked everywhere!”

 

Shitty glances at Jack, who just shrugs.

 

Shitty looks back at Bittle. “Look bro, alright, I’m sorry. It’s just…Jack’s my best friend, you know? And you…you had sex hair, man.”

 

Bitty smooths the back of his hair down. “I was taking a nap, ok?”

 

“Alright, alright. I really am sorry, Bittle.”

 

Bitty takes a deep breath, then fist bumps Shitty. “I understand. I’d look out for my best friend, too.”

 

Shitty nods, then turns to Jack. “Sorry I made you drive all the way up here.”

 

“It’s alright,” Jack says, walking Shitty towards the door. “But could you give us a minute to talk this over?”

 

“No problem, dude.” Shitty says. “Take your time, and—“

 

Bitty and Jack both think they’re free, but as he’s almost out the door, Shitty spots Jack’s Falconers duffel bag on the floor where Jack dropped it when he first arrived.

 

“If you just got here, how’d your bag beat you?”

 

“It, uh…” Bitty tries.

 

Shitty glares at them.

 

“I practically jumped out of a window and you couldn’t hide my bag?!” Jack cries at Bittle.

 

Bitty just drops his head and rubs a hand over his face.

 

Shitty turns to them. “Alright, what’s going on?”

 

Bitty looks at Jack expectantly.

 

Jack takes a deep breath, then explains. “We wanted a night alone, that’s why I told you I couldn’t go to the Pats game with you. But then you showed up, starting accusing Bitty of all this stuff, so we just...and here we are.”

 

“So you lied to me? A few times?” Shitty questions.

 

“I…I’m sorry, man. It’s just our last few days together for a while, you know my season starts in a few days. I just wanted to see him.”

 

“You think I wouldn’t have let that happen?” Shitty asks. “What am I, a romance-less monster? Of course I know you want to see Bitty. But…you lied to me, bro.”

 

“I’m really, really sorry, Shits. Seriously, I…how can I make it up to you?”

 

Shitty thinks about it for a second, then reaches into his back pocket and pulls out two tickets. “You can go to the Pats game with me.”

 

Jack sighs. “Dude…”

 

“Go,” Bitty says. The other men look at him.

 

“What?” Jack asks.

 

Bitty motions back at his laptop. “I should stop putting off this paper. And you need bro-time just as much as you need Bitty-time.”

 

Jack smiles. “You mean it?”

 

Shitty whacks his arm. “Dude, don’t question it. Let’s go before we miss kick off!”

 

Jack grabs Bitty by the face and pulls him into a deep kiss.

 

Jack and Shitty rush out of the Haus towards Jack’s rental.

 

“Thanks for coming with me,” Shitty says. “And again, I’m sorry I accused Bitty of all that stuff. I don’t really think he’d be capable of doing that to you.”

 

“I understand,” Jack says.

 

Shitty hands him his ticket as they approach the car.

 

Jack takes a look at the ticket, then pauses turns back to the Haus without saying anything.

 

Shitty stops on the sidewalk and stares at him. “Where are you going?!”

 

“Game’s Monday Night, bro. I’m going to get laid again. See you in seventeen hours.”

 

“I knew he had sex hair!” Shitty calls as Jack reenters the Haus.

* * *

 

“Jack?” Bitty asks when Jack comes back into his bedroom.

 

Jack locks the door behind him. “Shitty is incapable of reading tickets, or a schedule when you buy the tickets, apparently. The game’s tomorrow. I’m all yours until tomorrow.”

 

Bitty smiles widely. “Great,” he says. “Because I can really, really use your help…”

 

He sounds seductive. Jack grins. “What can I help you with, Bittle?” Jack asks, flirting back.

 

Bitty hands Jack a notebook. “Help me site these sources.”

 

Jack takes the notebook with a groan, then drops onto Bitty’s bed and gets his own laptop out of his bag. 


End file.
